Defeated

Oh, shed your tears,
My lonely stars,
For the trees grow not
And the rivers dry.

How silence tolls
Ever loud,
To fight the battles
Lost from start.

Deep sadness spells
What the heart's known since;
No sense in waiting,
Fate has been destined.

/amra

Not Enough Stars

How many stars are in the heavens?
I dare ask all of thee;
For if countless is its number,
Why is there none for me?

Why is there none to answer
Those prayers i have cried?
No there can't be enough out there
For not one of them is mine.

Immense may be the universe,
Or so they say, I'm told;
Until it holds a star for me,
I'll always believe it small.

/amra

Shame

if life is a failure
while death is pure
who is to say
where one should go?

his blood is black
her sweat is gold
the servant bleeds
the master is cold

the chamber opens
the door unlocks
the will surrenders
to heaven's dock

shame to the sinner
lust is the cause
a dark heart's deed
a spirit lost

/amra

Rage Against the Storm

Heaven's tears strongly fall on my shoulders,
His breath blows hard against my face,
He strikes his lightnings down a distance,
His anger and rage deafen my ears.

I wonder what causes him to act thus so
For such strong emotions he must show;
Is there a secret alone he keeps
Or does he share all of our griefs?

What to him are plagues and scars,
Or losing your kiths and kins in wars?
What to him are people in hoods and slums?
Does he know blessings don't often come ?

Does he even know the pain of brokenness,
That kind of pain you won't forget?
Does he know what causes a woman to cry?
No, he can't know love nor loss nor lies.

When children ask in fervent prayers
Does he know how they feel when "NO" is the answer?
He cannot know. No, how can he?
He is up there and here are we.

So when he takes the lives of my brothers
In big floods or tsunami wild waters
Just so he can act like some prick or brat
I dare say: Humanity has had enough.

/amra

*****
We can blame so many things, so many people, so many aspects of life, technology and nature, but why bother? Setting rage against the heavens is more romantic!

BTW, there's a storm coming within the next 24 hours.

Ode to the Sunflower

you bid the birds and the butterflies to come
you grace the field with the warmth of the sun
you put a smile on all who to thee look upon
you teach the children to pray to the One

sunflower, with your sun-lit face basked in glory
you remind me of sweet songs and fairy stories
your big leaves stretched to the heavens humbly
i am reminded of all God's graces and bounty

i seek you, flower, as an inspiration
a life that is a dream and a passion
you bring beauty, yet wild and common
the example of creation in perfection

/amra

*****
one of the few things that genuinely puts a smile on my face...

Save Me

save me
i shout so hard
yet no one hears me

save me
i stumble as i walk
yet no one catches me

save me
i cry so hard
yet no one heeds my pleas

save me
i try so hard
yet i fail completely

save me
i feel so numb
yet my pain is real

save me
i am in a crowd
yet i feel so lonely

save me
i drown so deep
yet there's no water around me

save me
i feel so lost
yet i'm where i'm supposed to be

save me
don't you dare lose me
before i disappear into the empty

/amra

.

Holding On

i weep for i believe you lost now
i cannot see you when i close my eyes
i cannot hear your voice in the silence of the night
i have stopped dreaming that i am your wife

the touch of sunlight no longer makes me cry
how could it be when it is the reminder of your love?
the wind no longer gives me chills
is it because i've gone numb now and can no longer feel?

all those years we have spent together
now all lost, my heart cannot remember
and yet i feel incomplete without the pain
gone are the dreams, lost and spent

what will i do once i've stopped thinking of you?
act all is normal? that i cannot do
i bleed, i drown, i long for the love that is only mine
i want those days back, or the memories of time

/amra


*****
why i write sad poems, i can only guess.

A World of Fools

The world is filled with fools
You may be one of them, who knows?
Fools who know no better
Than to love and dream and fall.

The world has to be grateful
For without fools, I am told,
The world will stop and end and die,
The balance of the universe destroyed.

Only a fool can love without expecting
And give without rewards,
And make a fool out of one's self
For some bastard's pleasure and delight.

Fools in love, oh truth be let
Can do most anything;
Fly to the moon and back, or, better yet
Make the world stand still.

Fools express their hearts' desires
Through art and songs and verses;
You may be reading a fool's work now
Who knows? I'll take my chances.

Fools will fight lost causes
Wishing for a bend unseen,
Believing there will be a morrow
Without agony... a miracle, a dream.

Fools act to save the world and more
From hunger, war and pain;
They try to be fathers, brothers, friends
To strangers who have lost their way.

And though you take fools for granted still,
Who cares? I know, not them;
Loyalty and love they'll kindly give
Overflowing, no doubt, 'til end.

Why God even made such specimen
Martyrs, lovers, saints,
All fools within definition
Heaven's joke, I take.

And so I hear the angels cry,
"I spot, right there, that one
Who will bleed and die for another,
Make wings. Make wings. It's done."

/amra



****
I dedicate my poem to the fools of the world whose lives matter more than most.

To See the Ocean

I need to see the ocean
Although there I don't belong
I need to hear the sound of water
To revive my spirit strong

Indeed, I need that moment
To reflect on my life and pains
To muster all my courage
In life's battles it has waned

I need the peace it can spare me
Because my life has gone astray
Confused are the thoughts inside my head
Bewildered, lost and shamed

I need the ocean to remind me
Compared to him I'm small
Insignificant in so many ways
Humble me, Ocean, I hope

Beside the water I will sit
Under the trees and shade
I shall write a poem, a song, a hymn
Proclaiming wonders I've been graced

When the day has come to pass
And the moon and stars all rise
I shall dream the most beautiful dreams
Yes, great Ocean, will you let me? Can I?

Alas, in the morning when I wake
To find my sorrows drowned
I shall look upon my reflection
A person whole and strong, unbound

Oh, bitter Life, you are all but past
After my journey is done
Because in the ocean I will leave
All of my tears behind

/amra


****
I wrote this because I'm dreaming of taking a one-month leave from work and just stay by the seaside and be lazy. I want to reflect and write, away from the crowd and the urban life. Is that too much to ask?

Can You Find Me?

Can you follow the river
That leads to the sea
That leads to the ocean
That ultimately leads to me?

Can you trouble your feet
To thread in darkness weary
And follow a battered path
So I will not be lonely?

Can you humble your soul
That you may find me
Lost, chained and broken
I pray to no longer be?

Can you make your heart
Beat to the rhythm of mine
So that our two hearts
Can now beat as one?

Can you read this poem
And know you are the one
Who has inspired me
To finally be found?

/amra


*****
I wrote this last night because I could not sleep (or is that I could not sleep because I was writing this one?). Hmmm... :) What was I thinking?

Coffee Shop Engagement

i sit here sipping coffee
watching people as they pass
i think about my future
and some regrets about my past

dim lights streaming over
jazz music playing loud
strangers talking gaily
perplexed thoughts, am i mad?

i think of him, i think of him
i think of him and us
i think of the 3 years we've been together
broken promises and trust

hurtful words have been spoken
photographs torn and burned
unforgivable lies spun and woven
never will i let the same man hurt me again

he comes now to meet me
with his excuses well and planned
he showers me with hugs and kisses
old tricks to which i once succumbed

i look at him, oh bitter stares
tears about to fall
thoughts swimming in my head
my heart pounding strong

he says he loves me
to leave, he cannot bear
he begs me for forgiveness
gives reasons to start again

now the tears i've held back
fall unceasingly at last
people around us are now staring
no doubt, curious about us

i clench my fist, i grab my purse
and determined, i stand up
i walk away, i walk away
to a new life i must

/amra


****
thanks to starbucks for setting me in the mood to write this one.

****

The Optimist

my eyes cast away the sorrow
my heart casts away the pain
i'll wake again tomorrow
knowing there's a world to gain

/amra

.

Moonshine

moonshine spells trouble
just as the cliche goes
but moonshine is all the better
my true heart cannot show

moonshine stays with me
moonshine does not burn
and all the images i dare dream
mere illusions in the darkness yearned

love i cannot utter
love i cannot swear
no, better keep this feeling
all unto myself

a hundred times i woke up
and just as many i have cried
because the love i dearly long for
belongs to a bride, not i

/amra

.

What is this?

This is just a repost of those that I have written here:

random thoughts

No need to go through this blog as this merely acts as my folder. I'm keeping this for purposes of convenience only.